So I work at a thrift shop, which is a job I love, and I really appreciate the incredible discount employees get. But I am determined not to go overboard with it. Or collect a bunch of stuff I don’t need because it was so cheap-prices are great even without the employee discount. Or to buy friends a bunch of stuff they don’t need. So to that end and to document some of the quirky stuff that comes through the store, I am starting this running list.
Sheri, who loves coffee and sometimes cookies, and emphatically does not like kitchen clutter, does not need a ceramic cookie jar shaped like an electric coffee maker. Someone bought that. (added 4/9, no it’s still there, it just got moved.)
Lizzie, who lived briefly in Kansas, and probably misses it, does not need a little picture that says Kansas, with each letter made out of something (the yellow brick road, sunflowers, corn, etc.) Someone bought that, too.
Jennifer, who is from Kentucky, does not need any one of the 4 or 5 posters advertising the (I think 2002) Kentucky State Fair. Someone bought all of them. They were pretty cute, especially the pigs on the roller coaster, and the sheep with the shape of Kentucky sheared out of it’s wool.
Andy, who thinks Noah’s Ark is a terrible story of a wrathful God, does not need as a gag gift any of the large number of Noah’s Ark related items that come in. I think so far I’ve seen a cookie jar, a windchime, a painting and a throw blanket, all bought.
Adrien, who works for the Michigan State University (mascot, the Spartan) Student Housing Cooperative in East Lansing and who is partial to olives, needs neither Spartan cuff links, nor a non-descript gray t-shirt that says 3 Olive Vodka Company, East Lansing. (I assume someone bought this, I can’t find it anymore.)
Gaia, who is a nurse practitioner and very handy, does not need any vintage nursing texts or repair manuals. Someone bought the nursing text for her mom, who’s a nurse. The repair manuals and books of logarithm tables and slide rules and such come and go.
My sister the lawyer does not need a big red button that says “I love lawyers.” Someone bought this.
I was so happy this past Saturday when someone bought the sign that says, “Come on in. Everything else has gone wrong.”
The thing I a little bit regret is the unicorn horn. It was so beautiful. I picked it up, not knowing what it was. It was a white unicorn horn on a headband, with 2 pink-lined white ears, and a mane made of alternating pink and white fake feather boa strands. Leslie, one of the managers said, “that’s not just a unicorn, that’s a princess unicorn.” I knew I didn’t need it, but I wanted it. Employees don’t shop till the end of our shift, so I thought, I’ll put it on, and if anyone wants to buy it, I’ll sell it to them. I even safety-pinned a little sign to my shirt that said something like, “horn is for sale.” 2 people came in separately and commented on it. I asked both of them if they wanted it, and they both said something about it looking ‘fabulous’ on me. Then I was checking a woman out, and she said, “I like your hat.” I asked if she wanted it, and she said her granddaughter would love it. So I sold it to her. And I don’t really regret that. Because after all, the most important thing is to cherish one’s inner unicorn. Sharing nurtures the inner unicorn. Hoarding does not. If another unicorn horn happens through the shop, I will do the same thing, put it on, and see if anyone else wants it. But if no one does, I will make it mine.
I put on the mouse ears while working at the register, and also a sign that said,’ears for sale’ and no one wanted them. So now I have a pair of mouse ears, and they are infinitely cooler than Mickey Mouse ears. For one thing, they are covered with silky black fur, and for another, the insides are lined with silver sequins.
More to come….
I am not remotely tempted to buy the chicken-dance-singing chicken, but it is so odd it deserves some comment. Small, fluffy chicken with a pink hat that says, ‘let’s have some fun,’ and then dances all around and sings the chicken dance song. The creepy thing is that it’s eyes blink on and off (red). It was especially creepy when Leslie showed it to me in the backroom in the dark (we were on our way out).
I have this fantasy of a spoof of the Child’s Play movies (the ones with Chucky, the evil doll) only with the evil chicken-dance-chicken. The backstory on the Child’s Play movies is that as this malevolent old man was dying, he put his soul in the doll. I think an angry vegetarian sorcerer should fill the chicken with the souls of factory farmed chickens, eager for revenge on humankind. Imagine it skipping down the hall, wielding a big butcher knife and singing the chicken dance song.
There was a little book of cartoons called Dogs are Better than Cats, or maybe Why Dogs are Better than Cats. I disagree, by the way, but it was funny. It included the line about dogs come when you call, cats take a message and get back to you. All the cats in the book were shifty-eyed, and all the dogs had open, loving faces. At the end, it said, “Dogs know that life is ruff, ruff. Cats don’t care about life, just about themselves. That’s why they say me-ow.” She’s gone now, but my cat often sits on a chair or on the couch near me while I work at the computer. She doesn’t try to climb on my lap or on the computer table, just sits near me. I feel very loved, and not crowded.
Added 4/9/2009: And speaking of the cat, Porkchop is in some ways a princess cat. She likes her drinking water clean, and will sit by the dish and look sad if there are floaties in it. She can be very lovey, but if I try to pet her when she’s not in the mood, to quote Bruce, she “give[s] me a look like I’m way out of bounds.” She has little patience with dog curiosity or playfulness, and she has only gradually warmed up to other cats and dogs she’s lived with. So when I saw the matching purse and tote bag with the cat in a sparkling tiara, it totally made me think of Porkchop. And one can always use another tote bag, right? But I resisted. Besides, why is it almost always a white cat that’s depicted as a princess? There are stripey princesses, too. Also, black, marmalade, gray, etc.
And so far I have resisted Easter things galore. I am a little embarrassed that I was so tempted by the fairly large (12″ in the longest direction, she long, and he tall) ceramic bride and groom rabbits. But I resisted. Someone came up to the counter to buy the bride, and I said, “you’re leaving the groom?” They were priced separately. She said, “oh is that what they are?” And then she did buy the groom. Wouldn’t it be sad to be the left-at-the-thrift store groom ceramic rabbit?
I am also proud to say that I took my black bunny ears back. I can wear my black, sequined mouse ears for those occasions that require fancier ears.
I haven’t added to this list in a while, but there are all kinds of things I haven’t bought.
We got in a stroller, car seat and play pen for a doll. Dark blue, decorated with Winnie the Pooh. The playpen was nice and roomy, with a mobile. Porkchop loves to sit in boxes and also to bat at things, and I thought about getting her the playpen. I could set it up in my room, and it would look nicer than just having a box sitting around, and she could get in it and bat at the mobile. But I decided that buying kid’s toys for my cat at the thrift store is crossing some line into hoarding cat lady that I am just not ready to make. At least not yet. So cute, though.
There was a totally random tile, with a kid’s-drawing-like picture of a bear waving and wearing a hat, and it said, ‘this bear stole my hat’. It was so funny, but who needs it? I did take a picture of it, though.
Various espresso machines. I go back and forth on wanting one. It sounds so extrevagent, and would I use it? But if I did, it would be so much fun. Every time one comes in, I think, I’ll give it a day or so and think about it, and then someone else buys it.
Various cheap necklaces made of funky beads or buttons that I could cannibalize for crafts. But I haven’t been making things with the craft supplies I have, so I don’t need to buy more.
Amy Tan’s Saving Fish from Drowning on cd. It’s a really good book, but I don’t know that I would listen to it again and again. And since I have 1 book on cd, getting a second one would double my collection, and once I have crossed that line, I can see myself starting to collect a whole bunch of books on cd. And I can’t start a new collection till I get neater.
Various fondue pots. Doesn’t it sound like fun to make fondue? But would I?
A mirror with the Hogwarts crest on it. Either for myself or for an 11-year-old friend who loves Harry Potter. But I don’t need a mirror, or have a place for it, and I’m not sure Eva’s parents would appreciate me adding clutter to their house.
The parrot hat. It’s designed to make you look as if you have a parrot sitting on your head, so head, wings, tail, and everything, and all in bright colors, red, blue, yellow. And I’m drawn to crazy headgear. But I also hate hats, and no matter how cool, a parrot hat is still a hat. Besides, some wear ears and antlers, and some wear hats. And I’m definitely the first kind.
