Rhonda's Rodent Revival

I have so much to do, and it’s all weird little stuff.  And huge overwhelming stuff.  Wash some forks, unload and reload the washing machine, plan a fundraiser, take the dog for a walk, clean my lair.  I’m feeling all distracted and conflicted, and not ready to deal.  So instead of procrastinating by playing solitaire, and I’ve gotten so bad about doing that again, I’m going to write (very briefly) about spontaneous jealous antlers.

Spontaneous jealous antlers are my way of trying to explain when I feel so jealous that I think it must be obvious to everyone around me.  Not only by the look on my face and my body language, but as if I were radiating palpable waves of jealousy.  As obvious as if I’d sprouted antlers.

So this is how it goes.  For me, it’s almost always been a romantic thing.  The ex I’m not over, or the friend I want to be more than friends with (but he doesn’t) is talking about his new crush/relationship.  However, I think one could grow spontaneous jealous antlers in different situations.  A friend has a career advance or artistic recognition or has achieved some milestone that one really wants for oneself.  And for me, part of me is happy for that person, and another part of me wants to be even happier.  This is my friend after all, for whom I want all good things.  And yet, and yet.  So even as part of me is happy, and smiling and wanting to hear the details (and she loves water skiing too, how cool is that), my skin is hot and cold and prickly, and my chest is tight, and there is this feeling that something needs to give, and bam, there they are.  Spontaneous jealous antlers.

And what can I do?  The best case is that the friend is so into recounting the news that he doesn’t even notice.  Second best is that I can play them off as having gone a little overboad on the calcium supplements, ‘but never mind that, tell me more about water skiing.’  Tied for last place is that the friend picks up on the lack of happiness (but not the jealousy) and is hurt, or says gleefully (an ex is more likely to do this than a friend) ‘those are spontaneous jealous antlers!  You still have feelings for me!’

I don’t like jealousy.  I don’t like myself when I’m jealous.  I think jealousy comes from a scarcity mentality that says if someone is getting something good, I am by definition getting less.  If she got a promotion, there is less job advancement for me, even if she lives 3 states away and is in a different field.  Or a romantic scarcity mentality that there is only so much love to go around, and only so many good people.

I think Julia Cameron of the Artist’s Way (which I would like to start doing again) says that jealousy is also a wake-up call.  It shows us that there is something in our lives that we want and don’t have, and that we should act on that desire.  When we’re jealous of our friend with rabbits, we should think about how to get our own rabbits.  So if jealousy stirs to action, it can be a good thing.  The thing to avoid is the wallowing in jealousy.  On that note, I will go take some actions.